Groundhog Day!!

There is no way this winter is *ever* going to end as long as that groundhog keeps seeing his shadow. I don't see any way out of it. He's got to be stopped. And I have to stop him.

Punxsutawney Phil predicts that there would be six more weeks of winter after seeing his shadow in Puxsutawney, Pa.

This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Well, it used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out, and they used to *eat* it. You're hypocrites, all of you!

Jimmy the Wisconsin Groundhog did not see his shadow today because it was cloudy, and he thus predicted an early spring. But what does a groundhog from Wisconsin really know?